Hungarian sheep teach dogs to speak

Hungarian sheep made news this week when it was discovered that they'd taught local sheepdogs to speak.

Csaba Molnar of Eotvos Lorand University and his team of researchers analyzed more than 6000 barks from 14 dogs in six different situations. 43 percent of the time the computers were able to correctly identify the scenario prompting the dog to bark. The results were much higher than those obtained when humans tried to identify the barks.

After that barks had been analyzed and translated by computers, scientists were able to edit tapes in "Hungo-Bark," asking questions about their language and experiences. The team was shocked to be told that the dogs had learned to speak after spending many years in the fields with sheep. The Magyar Merinos, it turns out, are remarkably conversant and have an extensive vocabulary of bleats. Because scientists have yet to translate their bleats, they asked the sheepdogs for information about their tutors.

"The sheep are quite chatty," said Sparky, an elderly sheepdog who emerged as spokesdog for the animals. "But most of their talk is negative...quite depressing, actually. We created a term for them: Budapessimists. Of course, we never told them that. They're brooding...and will sulk for weeks."

When scientists asked why it is that sheep are willing to take orders from the sheepdogs who herd them when, obviously, they have superior intellect, Sparky told the researchers it has to do with their heritage of oppression.

"First the Huns. Then the Germans. Then the Russians. The sheep learned to take orders from whomever invaded the pasture and strutted around with a bit of authority. All we had to do was snap and snarl a bit and they gave in to our demands. The sheep are smart, but their survival instinct is much stronger than their ego."

This is an important development for LonelyHungarianSheep.com because we are now investigating telephony that would allow sheep to court through "datelines." We have approached Magyar Telecom, who is currently in talks with the Ukrainian Telephone company, and have asked them to negotiate a deal in which the organizations would jointly develop an economical cell phone for sheep. They are considering the institution of a subsidy program that would enable farmers to install cell installations to improve signals and ensure that sheep throughout the countryside can make contact with eligible mates through voice communication.

Mr. Pinter, CEO of LonelyHungarianSheep.com has been working feverishly on paperwork to be filed with the Ministry of Communications in order to achieve his dream of connecting sheep throughout the country by telephone as well as online.