Jobless Sheep say "Baaaa!" to Economic News

The recent announcement that Hungary's jobless rate is down as a result of a decline in the total employment figures has Hungarian sheep in a funk. Once they figured out the goofy math that resulted in this seeming contradiction, they were outraged that the government is offering no solution .

The report indicated, "The stats get even grimmer when you look at the percentage of people holding down a job: According to the KSH, only 54% of those between 15 and 74 are working, and just 61% of those aged 16-64. Meanwhile, nearly half of Hungarian currently on the dole have been looking for work for over a year, while the average length of registered unemployment period is now 17 months."

"It's no wonder we aren't reproducing," grumbled one unemployed ram. "Who feels like romance when the bill collector is at that door?"

Another ram complained, "Hungarian women are high maintenance. All they think about is money. Look at those Gabor sisters! They don't get near a guy unless he's got money to spend on them."

What's most upsetting to farmers and sociologists is that the group least likely to have a job is also the group most likely to reproduce -- those in their early adult years.

One farmer from South Trans-Danubia suggested that the government put age restrictions on jobs, favouring the youngsters until the economic and reproductive crisis is solved.

Mr. Pinter, shown here explaining the situation to sheep herders from the United States, insists that his sheep dating service continues to be the answer to the country's agricultural fiasco.

"If you'll look up that hill," Mr. Pinter told them, "you'll see dozens of eligible ewes vying for the affections of just a few depressed and dejected looking young rams. My online dating service is helping those rams make connections without any pressure. The ewes are initially attracted by personality rather than personal wealth. Once they later understand that the rams are having difficulty finding employment, they tend to be less judgemental."

Mr. Pinter continues to encourage hook-ups via LonelyHungarianSheep.blogspot.com rather than the traditional, more discouraging methods.

Magyar sheep farmers attack Microsoft Exec

Sheep farmers posing as students at Budapest's Corvinus University brought public attention to a plot by Microsoft (the company running Planet Earth) by pelting the company's CEO with eggs. The incident took place this week when Steve Ballmer visited the prestigious educational institute.


The farmers are protesting Microsoft as a result of rumours spreading throughout the agricultural community that the megalithic corporation has developed a new sheep using propriety DNA developed by Microsoft microneers.

"There is no truth to the rumour," he announced to the crowd, "that Microsoft plans to launch MicroMagyar Merino 2.0 to replace the existing version."

"Futhermore," he added, "when we do not introduce it, it will not be created with Vista."

Vista is responsible for shutting down computers throughout the world for no apparent reason, without warning. It is the software created specifically to prevent computer users from applying whatever skills they've acquired since they first acquired their Commodore 64's in the 1980's.

"The nicest thing about the sheep we haven't developed is that they're very, very tiny. You could put several hundred thousand MicroMagyar Merino 2.0's on the square of St. Stephen's Cathedral. Well, that's if you actually had them...which we don't, of course. And, if we did, we wouldn't be officially introducing them until Agro+Mashexpo in January 2009."

When asked why they haven't developed these tiny little sheep, Ballmer responded, "Because these little sheep breed like viruses on Internet Explorer. Wow! You should see 'em go! I mean, er...if we had them...which we don't."

Sexy Styles for Hungarian Sheep

Treat your special lady to lingerie from Erika's "Ewe Love It" Shop near the Hilton Hotel on castle hill in Budapest. Our latest line up includes Valentine-inspired fashions include this sexy red shawl that will win her heart and send her dashing to the meadow for crimson and clover...over and over.

Hand-crafted using crimsom Berroco "Splash" yarn, this night-time naughtie was hand-crafted by our magnificent Magyar animal artisans in sizes ranging from Little Lambie to Mounds of Mutton.

Or you can make this style yourself using our original knitting pattern available at Yarnmarket, the online yarn superstore that ships quickly to even the remotest parts of Hungary. (They use DHL rather than the postal service -- because we all know how much our Hungarian Postal Workers appreciate woolly things.)

If you're looking for love, look to "Ewe Love It" for sexy styles that are feminine, sultry, and sensibly priced. For those who like a little more adventure in your romps, try our toys and accessory shop just down the street, "Ewe Want It...Baaaaad!"

Pedro and Frankensheep Features Hometown Talent

Magyar Merinos are elated that the recent film Pedro & Frankensheep features one of their brethren in the starring role. Before he travelled to the verdant hills of England, Viktor was a popular and prolific ram who sired 17 children at a farm near Kecskemet.

"We knew he'd eventually be discovered," says Lydia, mother of four of his offspring. "He loved the theatre and would often entertain us with his readings of Shakespeare. His portrayal of Hamlet was spellbinding. Truly rivetting."

When Viktor was sold to a British farmer, his friends at the co-op were hopeful he'd find a home in the London theatre. They were delighted that, instead, he was able to make the leap directly from meadow to movies. Within only months of his arrival in Brittania, Viktor was discovered by a BBC producer vacationing with his family in the Lakes district. Mr. Throckmorton's children first drew his attention to the ram who, they told him excitedly, "Was way cool." After observing just one reading of a passage from Shaw's "Arms and the Man," Throckmorton contacted a friend at William Morris who immediately signed Viktor on.

The McLeod brothers were quick to cast the newcomer in the headline role for their new movie. "He has those soft, sad Hungarian eyes that we knew were perfect for our story," they said. "Just looking at him made us want to pull the blankets over our head, drift into unconsciousness, and enjoy many happy hours of deep delta wave sleep ."

On February 13, sheep throughout Hungary will celebrate Viktor's success by leaping over fences from sundown until sunrise February 14. They are hoping their "Leap for Sleep" will provide the usually aloof and sullen Hungarian male population with enough sleep to awaken relaxed and refreshed with romantic notions in time for Valentine's Day.

Hungarian sheep teach dogs to speak

Hungarian sheep made news this week when it was discovered that they'd taught local sheepdogs to speak.

Csaba Molnar of Eotvos Lorand University and his team of researchers analyzed more than 6000 barks from 14 dogs in six different situations. 43 percent of the time the computers were able to correctly identify the scenario prompting the dog to bark. The results were much higher than those obtained when humans tried to identify the barks.

After that barks had been analyzed and translated by computers, scientists were able to edit tapes in "Hungo-Bark," asking questions about their language and experiences. The team was shocked to be told that the dogs had learned to speak after spending many years in the fields with sheep. The Magyar Merinos, it turns out, are remarkably conversant and have an extensive vocabulary of bleats. Because scientists have yet to translate their bleats, they asked the sheepdogs for information about their tutors.

"The sheep are quite chatty," said Sparky, an elderly sheepdog who emerged as spokesdog for the animals. "But most of their talk is negative...quite depressing, actually. We created a term for them: Budapessimists. Of course, we never told them that. They're brooding...and will sulk for weeks."

When scientists asked why it is that sheep are willing to take orders from the sheepdogs who herd them when, obviously, they have superior intellect, Sparky told the researchers it has to do with their heritage of oppression.

"First the Huns. Then the Germans. Then the Russians. The sheep learned to take orders from whomever invaded the pasture and strutted around with a bit of authority. All we had to do was snap and snarl a bit and they gave in to our demands. The sheep are smart, but their survival instinct is much stronger than their ego."

This is an important development for LonelyHungarianSheep.com because we are now investigating telephony that would allow sheep to court through "datelines." We have approached Magyar Telecom, who is currently in talks with the Ukrainian Telephone company, and have asked them to negotiate a deal in which the organizations would jointly develop an economical cell phone for sheep. They are considering the institution of a subsidy program that would enable farmers to install cell installations to improve signals and ensure that sheep throughout the countryside can make contact with eligible mates through voice communication.

Mr. Pinter, CEO of LonelyHungarianSheep.com has been working feverishly on paperwork to be filed with the Ministry of Communications in order to achieve his dream of connecting sheep throughout the country by telephone as well as online.

Hungarian Sheep Experiment Declared Failure

In a bizarre attempt to introduce more ewes into the Hungarian sheep population, agri-geneticists attempted to combine sheep DNA with that of a prolific vegetable, the cauliflower.

Although the offspring of this combination appears to be thriving, the result is a sheep that yields neither tasty meat nor soft fleece.

"We were very hopeful," says one of the scientists who asked to remain anonymous, "but as you can see the results were less than desireable."

While the failed experiment has resulted in a loss of the government grants much needed to complete the program, the scientist remains optimistic that the work will continue in the private sector.

"We're currently negotiating with an Estonian company that believes it can produce better results combining Magyar Merino DNA with winter wheat," he informed us. "We're also speaking to Germans who have had success with their new glow-in-the-dark cabbages that were created with DNA from fireflies to achieve bioluminescence in their most recent crops."

While the novelty has made glow-in-the-dark cabbages popular amongst German consumers, farmers complain that it's difficult for them to get any sleep.

"I've had to get black-out curtains," one farmer informed us, "because the damned things put on a laser show all night. As soon as the sun goes down, my cabbages start glowing like crazy. Each one puts out about 8000 lumens of light."

8000 lumens is equivalent to a 500-watt lightbulb, which makes it easy to harvest the cabbages at night, but the impact on the surrounding environment and the resultant sleep deprivation of the local population have created sociological problems in rural Germany. Scientists are working on a way to reduce the luminescence to a more comfortable level.

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The Ballad of Sheep 13, produced by Kyle McQueen of Vancouver, BC was selected for viewing at Anifest3 in Budapest. It also won a 2005 NickToon award for animation.



Sheep 13

The Return of our Crown Celebration -- January 5, 1978

Today, sheep throughout Hungary celebrated the 30th anniversary of the return of the crown of St. Istvan (named after Istvan, CEO of Lonely Hungarian Sheep). The Crown and other royal regalia were returned to our country in 1978 by President Jimmy Carter of the United States. These jewels were taken to the US after WWII for protection and held at Fort Knox until President Carter returned them for public display in our Parliament building in Budapest.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, the Sheep Breeders Association in Hódmezõvásárhely collaborated with us to sponsor a weekend festival where many single, lonely sheep were able to meet.

"It was a wonderful opportunity to get to know rams from throughout the country," said Martina, a lovely young ewe who came from Kaposvar to attend the two-day event. "I met a really nice ram from the Northern Mountains. We exchanged e-mail addresses and I think we'll be planning another get together early in the spring."

Because the event was promoted online, it gathered over 2400 eligible sheep. Unfortunately, only 20% of the attendees were female, but rams who were unable to meet compatible mates enjoyed themselves with other activities -- frolicking in the fields and huddling together for warmth while they shared stories about their farms.

"Didn't matter to me that I didn't meet a woman," said Andras, an older ram from Transdanubia. "I spent my time in dialogue with others who were concerned about inflation and the GDP. I think all of us enjoyed the heated debates about health care, interest rates, the value of the forint and whether Gyucsany should step down. It was a great chance to exchange ideas about politics and the economy, and I also heard some very funny stories about Romanian farmers...which, of course, I can't repeat here."

The St. Stephen Crown event was so successful that LonelyHungarianSheep.blogspot.com is organizing a first-ever music festival for young rams and ewes interested in rock, alternative rock and rock fusion. The EweSonic Flock Rock festival will be similar to the popular Wilsonic Festival in Bratislava.

If you'd like to learn more about EweSonic Flock Rock, send us an e-mail and we'll put you on our mailing list. We're also seeking talented sheep who'd like to perform live at the event. For consideration, please send music samples or videos to our CEO.

The Flock has been invited

to participate in EweSonic Flock Rock.

We will let you know know if

we are able to reach an

agreement with them to perform.

The Girl from Gömörszőlős

I've never tried an online dating service, so I'm not sure what to say about myself. I have long, thick blonde hair and weigh about 100 kg. before shearing. I'm fairly quiet...barely bleating a word until I really get to know a person. I like shelled corn and barley and hay. And I drink 2 to 3 gallons of water a day.

I'm looking for a ram who isn't like the ones on the farm here in Gomorszolos. We have about 200 of them, but only 43 girls so you can imagine what it's like for us. They're very rude and inconsiderate.

I'd be willing to date a ram from any part of Hungary, and if the relationship works out I'd consider leaving my home for greener pastures. I'd like to be someone's one-and-only so if you're not looking for a monogamous relationship I'm probably not the ewe for you.

Please send me a note telling me a bit about yourself. A photo would be nice, but I realize that looks aren't as important as a good sense of humour and a full set of teeth.

Another Message from Istvan

Gentlemen,

Please let me reiterate that this web site is for sheep who want to date sheep. It is not for men who want to date sheep...although it's none of my business and I'm not being judgmental. (I do ask that if you date a sheep in Hungary, you respect the laws of my nation by ensuring that the consenting sheep is of legal age.)

Please do not place postings here if you are a human seeking companionship with livestock. I will remove them immediately. Instead, I suggest you visit Adult Sheep Finder where I am certain you will find what you are looking for.

Again, this site is only for Hungarian sheep who want to date sheep.

Many thanks for your cooperation.

Istvan

Message from Istvan

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Please be reminded that "Lonely Hungarian Sheep" is intended as a meeting place for eligible and interested heterosexual sheep. Its purpose is to introduce ewes to our large population of single rams, to foster healthy relationships and, ultimately, to increase the size and number of flocks in Hungary.

This is not a gay ram hook-up site -- not that I have anything against gays. Actually, I like them. They mean more ewes for the others. But we must have more sheep, and so this site is for lonely straight Hungarian sheep only. Gay sheep are encouraged to visit http://www.wild&wooly.hu/

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Istvan

I've got Ramitude!

Horny Hungarian boy seeks discreet homo-Merino for fun in the sun.

Hi, hon. If you're into Broadway musicals, chardonnay, and kid leather I'd like to meet you at Chez Gay. I'm a young, virile strutter whose latest shearing ended up in the Armani collection.

As Oscar would say, "I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best."

Send me an e-mail today and we can be frolicking tomorrow. (Please....no bi-curious mid-lifers. I'll be especially sweet to sugar daddies.)